Paris, Not France: A Review (of Sorts)

Yeah, I watched it.

The documentary about Paris Hilton filmed in 2006 called Paris, Not France, which aired on MTV recently:



And yeah, while watching it, I fell for the evil bigwigs' plan and saw Paris as a human. And I thought, "she's not all that bad." So I felt for the girl.

So shoot me!

I'm not saying I would want to be her best friend, but I understand her and get that she is a human now. Which is good. It probably helped that I have warmed up to her now that she has lost a lot of attention (fickle audience and all), and she was really funny and sweet this one random time I was watching Life on the D-List with Kathy Griffin and she guested. Plus I used to love The Simple Life when it first started. And I've always respected her a bit more for not getting a boob or nose job, as a fellow weird-nosed tiny-boobed female. Finally, I've been watching lots of band documentaries for no particular reason as of late (Radiohead's Meeting People Is Easy, Metallica's Some Kind of Monster...) so watching this continued the trend of seeing the not-so-great side of success and fame.

Weirdest part was probably seeing how she changes her voice from "public" cutesy coo to "real" deep man-voice. WTF girl.

I'm not even going to try to explain myself further because there is no way to justify this apparent lack of good judgment on my part. Plus, I can't remember more specific reasons for appreciating the documentary and her in it, even though I just finished watching it a few hours ago. I have Alzheimer's.


I excitedly went on my computer after to finally read what Rich from fourfour wrote about it, because I was sure he would have a similar opinion to mine (why do I only enjoy opinions that are he same as mine? Eesh). But to my chagrin, his review was waaay negative and harsh. He just sounds ultra bitter and 'tis quite unbecoming of that lovely man.

Some of the things that bothered him (these are direct quotes):

1. She complains about the press running her through the mud, but admits that she's addicted to reading it.

2. She talks about the importance of being humble, but then refers to a gaggle of squealing Japanese admirers as "worshiping" her.

1. Yeah, because that's real life, Rich. I also complain that eating junk food makes me gain weight but damn if I don't enjoy the hell out of it while I'm eating. Life is full of contradictions. Especially when you're a celebrity "living the dream" yet having to deal with some overwhelming and not-so-great side-effects.

2. The thing about Japanese admirers "worshiping" her- I did notice when she said it, but it didn't annoy me because she said it so matter-of-factly. She wasn't saying it in a cocky above-everyone way, she said it more like she felt detached. It's like when my friend from Beverly Hills gave me a tour of her house but seriously acted like the whole place was blah- no affectation, it just really meant nothing to her. It was kind of like that when Paris said it.


And, I mean, damn, those Japanese fans were worshiping her! They were fucking crying and screaming and looking at her as if she was the second coming of Jesus. So, yeah, she wasn't exaggerating. It's not cool of Rich to put that down because those words look much worse in type than in video, and he should know better than to take things out of their context like that.

But, oh well. Haters gonna hate. And I'm a big hater too so I shouldn't be talking. I think my thing is that I go *against the grain* because I'm a *rebel* like that, so I hate on people that the masses like too much without good reason and I (like on?) people that the masses hate too much without good reason. I'm just trying to balance the world out, yo! Oooookay I'm pathetic I'll go sit down now.

ONTD, I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down

Yes lovely people of Oh No They Didn't, you're bringing me down so much that you've dragged me out of my blogging dry spell.

I usually consider everyone on ONTD absolutely comic-/social-/intellectual-/insane-ly genius. But today I am disturbed because the masses at ONTD have overwhelmingly gone against my personal opinion and common sense not once but THREE TIMES. This is a travesty. Usually they at least have two-sided intense and hilarious arguments, but now it's just a million clones saying wrong, stupid stuff. Because it disagrees with me, the all-knowing one. I will not have any of this.

1. Rachelle Lefevre replaced by Bryce Dallas Howard in third Twilight film. Summit Entertainment claimed "scheduling conflict", but it turns out she was shocked to be replaced.

ONTD: They're all like "OH EM GEE I can't believe Summit (the production co. or something) did this they are such heartless assholes!! She was PERFECT and was, like, the only one that physically fit the role! And she cared about her role! HAbakBDKLFFND!!!!!"

ME: WTF ONTD, hasn't it been a million years since you were so passionate about Twilight? Like, ever since it got really annoying and we found out the film was shitty as all hell? So where is all this uproar coming from, I thought you were all indifferent. Unless you're all shams. Also, no, Rachelle was NOT that good. I'm actually very glad she was replaced and Bryce will be great in her place (as great as the shitty script allows). Rachelle just took the role too damn seriously and it pissed me off. Tell me this quote from her after the replacement news doesn't just grind on you:

This is a story, a theatrical journey and a character that I truly love and about which I am very passionate.

Uh, Victoria is like the most annoying and useless thing in this series. Why the fuck are you passionate about her. Maybe you should question your judgment. And ONTD is all "she was the only one that loved the movies and took them seriously!111" And that is a good thing how? Anyone who takes it seriously, especially at her age, is kooks. ONTD, you disappoint me.

P.S. My bias against Rachelle MIGHT be mostly the film stylists' fault. She was dressed as if she was on crack and wandered off from a film about Woodstock festival, not to mention her roots were very prominently showing. Vampires' roots don't fucking show, my grandma's dog knows that. I'm talking to you too, "blonde" "prettiest vampire ever" girl in the film. Forgot her name, she plays Rosalie. OK I looked it up- Nikki Reed. That shit ain't right. She dressed horribly too. Whoever styled this movie should be shot, is alls I'm saying.

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2. Seth Rogen VS. Entourage. They're having a petty feud and you can click the link because it's too dumb to recount here.

Keep in mind- I'm biased because I have some, er, familial ties to the latter. But STILL, no one is calling out Seth for being the one who actually initiated the feud and made a big deal out of it. The right thing to do would be to wave the mention off and be the bigger man. But he had to bitch about it on E! Top Ten (seriously?). Basically he sounds like a crybaby and should shut up. But most of ONTD is siding up with him. Disappointing. I like him too, but he should just accept jokes about him the way he jokes about others. The jokes weren't even that offensive. And they give him and Knocked Up some attention again. Even Judd Apatow got it.

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3. It's On With Alexa Chung


This is a very sore point because they have constantly been bashing the girl, and she doesn't deserve it. They constantly say that her show is horrible and awkward and boring and blahblahblah whenever she comes up. You know what, ONTD, when it comes to this you are all jealous bitches so STFUD yourselves please. Eesh. She is brills on the show. Finally MTV does something right and you overwhelmingly deride it? Not cool. At all. And she is still doing a greeeat motherfucking job. More about that later.

So step it up, ONTD. Your opinions are falling to the lame as shits side. Don't do this to me!! You're supposed to be the One True Voice.